I really wish the government would get out of sports by not forcing the Redskins to change their name, but also stay involved in sports by keeping gay people out.

Starting to feel sorry for Newell.

It's good to know that Hernandez is likely staying positive.

You'd have thought Tony could have taken a lesson from his numbers and never dipped.

Fuck you cancer.

We didn't win two world wars by just following orders. #nuremberg

None of the players involved missed a shift.

For years, scientists struggled to really prove, mathematically, why dividing something by 0 would make it undefined. Thank you Emory, you have done what was previously thought to be undoable.

Pretty awesome of FIFA to pick someone who built the stadium to do the first kick.

Actually, the saddest Subway rider is the $20 stipend for four footlongs that Chipper Jones insists on for autograph appearances.

Got to work one morning and there's a dead sparrow laying right in front of the glass door. There's also a dead hawk. There were two marks on the door. The hawk must have been right behind the sparrow, gaining, gaining...

Birds do that all the time to hawks, though they usually gang up. Sparrows and crows in particular will agitate the shit out of hawks to try to deter them from, you know, disemboweling one of their own. This might all be going down in the general vicinity of the mockingbird's nest, which could explain why it's just…

"I was born in Australia"

I actually live in the same town as this guy, and this is just a money making scam, kind of how homeless people come up to your car and wash your windows without you asking for it, just to guilt you into giving them some money. This dude drives around town and just parks in front of you while it's raining, then says…

Vermont: [Looks over shoulder at New York]

[Red Sox Clubhouse 2006]

For the sake of journalistic integrity, I think everyone should know precisely how Greg Howard got that staph infection:

This, I thought in disbelief, is really how I'm going to die.