+1

Broussard later spilled a sugar-free diet Coke all over himself and now he’s gotta walk around with a giant ab stain for the rest of the day.

I have a shovel that does a similar trick, but it’s a shame that “OH GODDAMMIT OW THAT FUCKING HURT AND CHRIST MY BACK AND JESUS GARY QUIT LAUGHING THIS ISN’T FUCKING FUNNY” song never really took off.

John Daly, scooting around the US Open greens bare-assed and shitfaced, loudly praising Chambers Bay’s “excellent and thorough Brazilian waxing methods, if a bit chalky and, well, sandy to boot, but still I can’t get half as good service back in Dayton, where the damn girl heats the fuckin’ wax to scalding…

[rolls]

What I don't understand is why women AND men begin running away from me when I pull out this poster board arguing beyond doubt that Goodfellas should have beat Dancing With Wolves for the damn Oscar that year.

+1

Roger Goodell: [reads Prince Shembo news]
Roger Goodell: [looks wanly toward corner of his office]
Roger Goodell: [looks back to desk]
Roger Goodell: [furrows brow]
Roger Goodell: [sits contemplatively, unsure of punishment]
Roger Goodell: [begins feeling stressed out]
Roger Goodell: [stands up, walks to corner of his…

+1

Wonderful. +1

Shame, Kevin. Sheridan’s ED correction regimen requires him to type words on a computer. Respect the man’s therapy, dammit.

Laugh all you want, but little Schadenfreude there is gonna grow up to wreak havoc in the NHL someday.

“Ehh ...”

Brady: Well, that blows.

+1

The fightin’ UNDies!!!1!1!!!

+1

[gets stuck]
[hangs]
[wriggles]
[writhes]
[hangs]
[grunting noises]
[screaming]
[coughing blood]
[hangs]
[heavy breathing]
[whimpering]
[openly weeping]
[hangs]
[gasps]
[dies]
[hangs]
—Air Bud’s fatal last dunk attempt, having escaped from the glue factory, but too in a hurry to get to the basketball court before showering.