I wasn’t too keen on the original, but this found-footage aesthetic for Mean Girls 2 is compellingly gritty.

Tremendous. +1

+1

If I'm reading this right, Urban will average about $510,739.00 per massive conniption-induced coronary he suffers between now and 2020.

It seems a bit dangerous to keep the winning automobile so close to the mat like that, but I honestly know nothing about Russian wrestling.

We are the boys of old Florida
F L O R I D A
Through all types of weather we trespass together,
And risk paralysis our way, hey!

This is tremendous, Tim, but I'm sad that you failed to include coffins dropping all over the floor throughout.

Excellent. +1

+1

As a teenager, I rubbed Dove soap on myself every morning and night, and also right before lunch and then mid-afternoon, and also right before cross-country practice, but then right after cross-country practice, and I would take a break from homework to rub Dove soap on myself, and sometimes even I had to leave in the…

EVERYONE MUST GET GAY MARRIAGED NOW!

+1

[Beethoven’s 9th symphony begins blaring]
[images of hyenas eating corpses]
[images of ISIS beheadings]
[penile plethysmograph needle starts vibrating]
[images of Bambi running around in forest fire]
[images of race riots]
[images of universal collapse]
[penile plethysmograph needle scratching faster]
[images of medieval…

When you’re hanging out in Chicago’s South Side, trying to blend in, but then someone mentions there are new episodes of House of Cards streaming on Netflix and you’re like, “wait, what? who said that?”

Ass: [walking along, minding own business]
Ass: [sees angry tiger]
Ass: [shakes head]
Ass: [remains silent]
Ass: [begins walking away]
Tiger: Dumb ass!
Ass: I CAN FUCKING TALK, YOU KNOW!

Idiot. +1

+1

The Chicago Tribune also unearthed some vaguely concerning nuggets in port-o-potty #4 and also #6 and also #1 and also #9 and also #22 and also #23 and also #12 and also #32 and also #11 and also #4 and also #7 and also #8 and also #15.