+1

I really liked Drew as “awkward bully number 3” in Revenge of the Nerds.

The square bat actually caught on in medieval Denmark, where it thrived as the preferred instrument to bludgeon huge sea monsters and their mothers to death.

Prosecutor: Mr. Hernandez, what exactly are you holding in this video?
Hernandez: That? Oh, that’s just my smoking gun.

+1

“Wait, why’s there a fucking stick in your ass?”

+1

Love this. +1

... allowing the team to fund an all-expenses paid trip for her to Washington, D.C., to attend the Skins' Sept. 25, 2014 loss to the New York Giants, while not disclosing that perk to other tribal leaders.

The conversation continues, though, and it gets more damning from there:

But seriously, folks, tip your waitress and please call a cab for Greg Howard's tank-top.

Jesus Christ, guys. Even Rush Limbaugh would balk at this many prescriptions.

+1

+1

The NFL will speak up just as soon as Goodell can find a pizza place that doesn't discriminate against shit-eating dunce-maggots.

This is ridiculous. +1

Excellent work. +1

tim breedlove accounting his own hbo series

Goodell: [approaches podium]
Goodell: Today, under the expanded disciplinary authority granted to me in the hallowed pages of the Mueller Report—
Goodell: [voice rising; growing somewhat agitated]
Goodell: I'm announcing swift action with regards to—
Goodell: [visibly frustrated; speaking even louder now]
Goodell: the…

In fairness to both of these guys, they only yesterday covered human reproduction in Mr. Williams' sex-ed class and Mrs. Worley's big algebra test is coming up next week and dammit whatever in the fuck happened to Bernstein's trapper keeper?