“What’s a conference final, eh?”

Total inflation-adjusted cost of the Canadian riot?

(jumps out of time traveling Yugo in a town square in Montreal in the 1950s) THE CONFERENCE FINALS IN 2017 WILL BE PLAYED BY ANAHEIM AND NASHVILLE (hops back in before mass civil unrest erupts in Canada)

Pop is the best coach in NBA history. Not just up there with the greats. Exceeds them.

Oh, it’s that guy. Hello, that guy.

Not other greats, FELLOW greats. Pop is second to none as a coach.

I pity whoever wakes up next to James Harden, because there is not an inch of that bed that he didn’t shit all over.

Thanks for coming to Deadspin, Mr. Turgeon

Upper upper rear body injury, shape of injury about 9mm in diameter.

I laced his water bottle with something.

A roster note from the white team, number 1 was not in the net after the first intermission and has suffered an upper body injury. His return is highly doubtful.

So you’re saying there’s a chance?
-Pete Rose

Sharkfucker has to be clubhouse leader for 2017 DHoF, right?

Because many are still capable. We should have license recertification, especially as people age, but it doesn’t sound like this guy was at fault.

An apology doesn’t have any sort of qualifiers. You don’t say “I apologize to anyone offended by X.” You just say “I apologize for doing X.” You don’t apologize for someone else getting offended. You realize what you did was a mistake and own it.

“Anyone who felt” immediately means “not an apology.”

Clark’s sincerity could not melt steel beams.

I apologize to those who felt offended by my earlier apology.

That is not an apology.

“Don’t make me buy a ladder and come up there to whoop your ass!”