Emily is super confused by playing youtube videos of kittens. She wants them.

It is my birthday weekend and I traveled to see my bestie in the bay. We were going to visit Ikea and have In-N-Out and generally were living life and then we spun out on the freeway and almost died and it was so fucking scary and also…

She looks calm and happy and that room looks simultaneously bright and cozy. Plus now I want to do yoga.

As long as everyone is okay, do I get to enjoy that this happened and commend their commitment to the material?

the new BR or the old BR?

Hate the shape, think the ruffle looks stupid and dischordant, think the color looks like a bowel movement. I, too, wouldn’t take it for free.

My hips are way too big for that dress.

And have random giant poops/diarrhea. The amount of time I spend in the bathroom (and in fear) during my period is ridiculous.

Also

I think he ate Inspector Gadget.

For the record when people say “New York Values” they mean white and black and brown people living next door to each other. Gays freely walking the streets and going to bars to enjoy themselves. Muslims, jews, christians, atheists, all shopping, dining, etc together. Everyone living the lives they want without trying…

This is why I’m an absolutely awful matchmaker.

My coworker thought that the sun was gonna go dark for six days.

Who ever St. Vincent is can consider the line “Because I’m not the Mad Hatter” stolen.

I don’t think they’re full-on satire. They kind of drift across the absurdist humor line a lot. I love them. How can you not love this?

Also, just like a bunch of millenials to not recognize the opportunity to have some art that Delia Deetz from Beetlejuice would have killed for.

I don’t know if I’d protest it. But in the spirit of Jezebel’s Would U’s, I’d certainly fuck it.

I like it. More importantly, I hate the students.

I was doubly traumatized upon learning what it's made of. I was like "how do all those yellow things end up white?"

Not gunna lie, I laughed. My dad has a picture of dale sr. hanging on the wall in the DINING ROOM. I’ve taken to telling my 1yr old niece that it is a picture of god.

White people and mayo are that couple from high school that you never really got but you were happy they had each other.