I really need to stop posting jokes before 8 a.m.

“I’m so sick of this fu——- bu——— you c—-.”

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Hamilton: Just because the guy is really fast doesn’t mean he belongs on a baseball field.

Carmelo: Who should I guard?

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The boy asked, “Why, when I needed you most, was there only one set of footprints in the sand?” And Jesus replied, “Because all the other infielders were in the dugout, jerking off.”

I was having some trouble with a bully. Mostly just standard middle school stuff. But it got bad enough that, at one point, the bully went in my locker, took out some really expensive Lebrons that Tommy bought me and cut them to ribbons. Well, the next time I saw Tommy, I wasn’t wearing them. He asked me about it and…

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The hoop did a perfect Kendrick Perkins impression by being 7-feet tall and not moving the entire time.

It brings up interesting debate. The New York Giants won the Super Bowl. They’re number one. But since then, Jason Pierre Paul has lost his index finger. So, he can’t walk off the field with his index finger raised. Are the Patriots the Super Bowl champions now?

Nice. +1

Any time Kobe pulls a 2-7, he goes all in and jacks another 7 or 8 shots the next quarter, too.

That's great.

A partial list of who’s fucked Tiger Woods lately: Torrey Pines, Augusta National, TPC Sawgrass, Muirfield Village, Chambers Bay.

I went 5-11, which seems fitting for the Redskins.

You gotta hand it to FIFA. They finally figured out a way to get Americans to care about soccer.

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