Bring in the lawyers. Meet with them at your lawyer's office and explain how the money is going to pay for your mother's care and here's what they need to kick in. Get signatures.

Yes, this, and it's absolutely enraging. I've had primary care of my mother since I was 13. I take her to doctor's appointments, try (unsuccessfully for the most part) to get her to take her medication correctly, manage her memory loss by answering the same three questions endlessly, calm down her panic attacks,…

Ugh, yes. My shitty cousins visit once and it's amazing. I'm at the home where my nana is placed minimum once a week " you don't visit enough".

She had a stroke last December and I'm the only one that has taken care of her so she bitches a little less. I mean, I still get shit for not visiting her every single day but at least I get a thank you when I do visit every other day.

Send the card and skip the visits and phone calls. When she bitches about it tell her "Well, you prefer cards to my company so that's what you'll get from now on."

True for my family. It's hard to put into exact words, but the boys were always doted on, yet expected to do less. My sister and I did 99% of the care and sacrifice when our parents were terminally ill. My sister took a leave of absence from work and I quit my job and moved back from another state to provide round the…

Oh yeah. My dad did almost exactly that to my brother, except he got my 16-yo brother a (really nice) 2-br apartment to live in by himself, then left dad clothes in one of the closets so it looked like my brother was, you know, supervised. And went off to go live with his new wife. It was unconscionable. If I'd had…

How are you at calling mother-in-laws to convey this? I'm happy to pay, but need someone blunt... my mother in law keeps insinuating "we" are her retirement plan. Maybe a haiku?
You never saved any money
And then you stopped working dear,
Try being nicer!

Check to see if there's an elder advocacy group in your area, they can probably help in finding the right way to help your GPs make the transition. Also, don't forget to use the terms "Assisted Living" and "Senior Apartments" instead of "nursing home". Perception is 9/10s of the battle.

I went to high school with quite a few kids whose parents had absolutely checked out by that point if they were ever interested at all. They would be all but abandoned in these huge houses for hours, if not days, on end, occupying only three or four rooms out of twenty and living off microwavable food and pizza. The…

When/if that time comes, be firm with your siblings and don't let them stick you with all of the work, which, in my experience, they will be more than willing to do. If they think you're a bitch, fine. Being the one in charge of most of the care would mean they would all be armchair quarterbacking you anyway.

Very different demographic but I've seen a bit of what you're talking about. I think there generally is more pressure in a lot of families for sons to go out and make something of themselves, but in my experience a lot of the drive to keep girls home seemed rooted either in the idea that they couldn't really leave…

Good for you for helping your mom. Please try to understand that much of the time, the family expects their daughters to do what you are doing, and not so much their sons.

You can tell your brother and sister that you took care of your father and it is their turn.

Completely true. My dad was diagnosed with a terminal illness that he lived with for 5 years (he died a year ago), and my mom's immediate expectation was that I would be available to take care of him. I was in graduate school, and they lived 2 hours away, but I was obligated to help my mom take care of him, as the…

I do think a lot of people (parents) under estimate the relationship. As in if you were awful all my life, I'm not sure why you would expect me to come running when you need help.

My sisters have asked if I to intend to help. I remind them of my alcoholic, sociopathic, racist ass of a father pointing a shotgun at me after defending that "nigger President". Fuck that piece of shit.

Relevant for those who don't know who she is;

Not me! My parents were consistently Boomer-awful to me and my brother, and to my daughter, too. Bad and absent to the point where friends, friends' parents, teachers, and indeed I am left completely uncomprehending of how they managed it, also why they had kids in the first place. Could've been worse only if they'd…

Yeah, not surprising. My parents aren't' that old but my brothers already made statements about how he thinks I'm going to take care of them. Not that I'm going to abandon them, but I live all the way across the country, while he lives in the same town as them. I think my brother is going to be in for a rude awakening…