This deserves a lot more love, but unfortunately the requisite familiarity with names and low-prominence of her in the article are holding you back...

You don't like hot mixed chicks?

I'd love to know how much FIFA charges a turf manufacturer to certify their product as "FIFA-approved".

I addressed this (to an annoying level of detail) here when the story originally came out.

I read as "alumni band day" as "alumni band camp"

Ventura's freak-out obviously didn't inspire the team to close strong in his absence.

When was this? It'd be irresponsible to compare an earlier generation of turf with what is to be used in 2015.

Re: "volunteers" to take a later flight.

There may be an occasional individual woman with extraordinary traits (insert something witty here) that can break through and make a contribution in a men's team sport (not as a star, but perhaps as a contributor), but so far in individual sports like tennis, golf, and a host of team sports, there hasn't been a case…

Yes on traitor.

Being impressed by Heather Locklear is so 1998.

Like a player for Seattle is going to take instructions from Portland's coach... right.

Do you mean Shaun King?

That's just his face.

Kimo von Oelhoffen has found that advice effective in trying to fell any opponent.

I daresay, he was provoked into acting this way by her actions.

Thanks Obama!

wouldn't want to debate the merits of "tired pop culture analogies" with someone whose screenname is "JackfreakingBauer"

only hipsters know that.

That shadow really looks like a phantom dong.