That sounds thoughtful of you. I woulda gone DOWN on some penis cake! Waste not want not.

'The cake isn't going to leap off the table and sodomize you, if that's what you're worried about"

A.k.a., "Eau de Deadspin:"

When "Weinerparty" thinks there's been a lot of dick, there's been a lot of dick.

Seems about right. At the renaissance faire, I pretty much just drink wine all day and don't eat anything.

"The enchantment of Canadian Indian tribes.

presenting new Jocker

I can't even count the number of therapy sessions in which I tried to rationalize my way out of my PTSD diagnosis by pointing out how relatively mild my sexual assaults supposedly were compared to what some women have experienced. That is straight up ridiculous when I really think about it. Here's a woman detailing…

I really appreciate this article. I don't understand why so many people feel the need to pull the whole "well it could be worse" or "well at least xyz didn't happen." I understand the frustration of people feeling like McClelland is making this experience all about her, and parts of her first article came across as…

But Some of My Best Kettles are Black.

I feel like it's pretty clear from the description of the "class" that this doesn't teach serious life skills. I mean, the cooking part and the cleaning part hardly last over an hour. It seems like its a gimmick to me.

I truly love your refusal to back down on your opinions of Midwestern food and I also love that someone tries to get you to say you're wrong every time. Brings me great joy.

If your guy hasn't taken it upon himself to learn how to do some domestic shit by the time he's old enough to contemplate marriage, teaching him how to make a three-course meal isn't going to do a thing to ensure he does the grueling, grinding tasks like cleaning the bathroom and making sure there's food that didn't…

I was once in a "fancy" Chinese restaurant in Chicago for my birthday and they had just waxed the floors. EVERYONE was falling down. Servers, customers, everyone. It was bizarre and hilarious. The management was losing their minds over how many meals they were comping. I wiped out before I even got to my table. My…

Counterpoint:

Weird, because Haagen-Dazs is usually such a reliable source of high quality research.

I didn't realize the instagram video looped and thought Rhi was just very seriously blowing out trick candles over and over.

When my dad was driving my brother, his friend and me home from school when I was in kindergarten, his friend was talking about how his class was having a Thanksgiving play. I thought to myself, "I want to be in a Thanksgiving play", so I chimed in that my class was having one too! I said that there were so many…

Around age 7 I was obsessed with Transformers. When my parents bought a Suburban I was convinced it was Optimus. I would lie down in the third row and talk to him. We were going to get married.