My brain went instantly to Allison Brie and Krysten Ritter—seriously Don't Trust the B was the funniest show in decades.

Gwyneth, texting your assistant to tell them to pick you up some red lingerie made from organic cotton hand-spun by yoga masters and sold in an exclusive Manhattan boutique for $5799 does not qualify as "sexing".

So I've already said something deep in a comment thread but I know many people don't read into the threads.

my sophomore year of high school i decided i wanted dark purple and blonde highlights (bad idea from the start) but i have dark brown hair. so the dark purple only showed up where i put the blonde, and it turned out bright fucking pink. so my part and bangs were bright neon pink and i had a teeny bit of blonde…

I like roasted eggplant as well but if someone roasts some eggplant and puts cheese on top and tries to call it eggplant parm i'm gonna be disappointed.

I'm a dumbass and was so hung up on the not-breading it part that the not-cooking it part didn't even register with me. UuUuUuUuuUuUUgh. Come on now.

headlines about barf are the best headlines

i was really hungover today and i had a moment of real job appreciation where i was like, oh hell yes i am "at work" and writing a headline about barf

Well what kind of jerkwad would serve un-breaded eggplant parm in the first place? Fuck you, goop.

So this partner isn't really humiliating, but I'm going to tell the story anyway.

That needs to be a scene in a movie. Bravo!

I had the honor of being the first sexual partner of a man who now professionally impersonates Buddy Holly all over the globe. Global Holly wept in my arms and told me I was the nicest person in the whole world (presumably for sleeping with him)... besides his mom.

I gotta be honest, I'm kind of embarrassed that you call it a "blowie."

I already posted about this once, but... I dated and fucked a guy who would stand up on the bed to switch positions. And that wasn't the weirdest part - he'd keep thrusting. He had a slight belly and serious sexing face, so he looked not unlike an angry bee with his dick as the stinger.

He didn't know what doggy style was. I turned over and he actually said the words "I don't know what you expect me to do".

I live in PA and that's how it is - you can use EBT for cold food at Wawa, but if you order some mac and cheese or get your sandwich toasted you can't. Seems so fucking arbitrary, I mean what is the nutritional difference between a cold sandwich and the same sandwich toasted? Ridiculous.

Wow, y'all are really making a splash with these inaugural posts. The body horror about the triplets, the crazy incoherent vanilla extract post, and now this nice little bit of hateful ageism in what is essentially a bogus news story crafted specifically to allow nasty comments about non-Millennials:

Don't forget yogurt.

I figured it was because of estrogen and periods and salad and shoes.