Listen, if I can't marry off my children for a duchy, what good are they?

Definitely thought this was Portia and Ellen at first glance

Fabulous people deserve fabulous applause.

She might not have an eating disorder but working out 6 hours a day is definitely some sort of compulsive exercising issue....

Whenever the president signs tweets "-bo" I think it's his dog.

Maxime failed to style her hair in the medalist fashion. She will know for next time.

How is it that some people have no idea what they're getting into when they are asked to appear on this show? Does nobody know what Google is?

She was just waiting for him to shell out that last $400. Once the check cleared, she was gone, baby, GONE.

I don't understand what's happening... It's like he likes me... But he's not really committed to showing me ALL the goods. This is a very awkward moment at the club.

I liked her hair. It was like she had just come from her bathtime surfboart adventures with Jay Z.

It seriously astonishes me that some writers can't figure out that couples banter is actually the best.

Don't you feel so cool when you just whip out your phone and are like "It was the 26th, sir!"

You start playing as a servant but can end up playing as a member of the family.

The title of that article is

I feel so fancy! I eat there on some paydays.

I think this is very pretty and I would like to wear it.

Nope, I am too. Kids are never too young to know about partial-birth abortion.