If you really want to make Ryan’s grandmas cry, remind them that he misdials their phone number every year on their birthdays.

What the fuck, man. At least that explains all my friends texting me asking if I needed bail money.

+ dickety

Given his proclivities, I would have expected more than one beater.

The panel of a Colonel Sanders pushing a black man out of his way, demanding satisfaction is basically America in a single panel.

Why did Sean Payton get removed from the coaches’ chopping block?! A lucky win against Brandon Weeden-led Cowboys in overtime makes everything better?!?

One small issue with this: the advantage of what Ethan Haskell purportedly knew was not what players would constitute a good value with respect to the salary cap, which is baked into the public salaries themselves, but rather which players had the best chances of not being on other teams altogether.

I nominate this to the Deadspin Hall of Fame.

(Pedantic time) Do you mean the “old” system or the “old old” system? You’re correct if you mean pre-1994. But in the more recent postseason system, the Pirates absolutely would’ve been in the playoffs, and would’ve started off in the DS against the Dodgers. The Cubs would’ve been at home, though, and we’d be missing…

The one game wild card is perfect for a team like the Cubs when you have Arrieta. It worked out perfect for us. But still... How could you not be against this playoff system? 2 of the best 3 teams in baseball had to have a 1 game playoff to see who “earns” a right to play in a playoff series? The Pirates might be the…

I’m so glad the Saints dumped him. He’s Seattle’s problem now. He is a diva. He won’t block. He won’t even pretend to be a decoy if he’s not in the play. He takes himself out of ball games with the slightest hint of injury. And he has a tendency to disappear in big games or when big names are covering him (see the…

My daily fantasy consists of both of these companies going away.

[goes to an NFL game]

To be fair, it’d be cruel to make Buffalo fans snort their coke off a mirror.

The real question is have Seahawk fans ever heard of this guy?

For better or worse, Mark Buehrle was my favorite pitcher for the White Sox. I can’t explain it, but maybe it was the younger version of me who enjoyed seeing him on the mound. It felt like every single time we went to a game, number 56 was pitching. I’d say he won 80% of the starts I saw, which is probably why I love…

It’s becoming increasingly clear that men who make this kind of life-long commitment are basically unhinged. Oh, and he’s a priest too.

“according to persecutors...”