Bruce is the worst.

+1 mustache ride

Security experts have confirmed that it only took the offender three attempts to break the account’s password: GUMBOGUMBOGUMBO

Wait — Have we already discussed your GQ portrait? And, if we haven’t, why the hell not??

This would have been a much easier read without a persistently masturbating bear in the sidebar.

As a Saints fan, I recognize my bias here. I had no expectations that some massive reversal was coming from the commissioner’s office. My issue is that they stuck their head in the sand. First, they were going to issue a statement. Then they needed to delay it in order to finalize the wording (?), then they ended up…

Everyone’s a Junkie, indeed.

This needs way more stars.

Kudos for having such a conspicuous mark on the sport.

+0 energy to swim back to shore

Came here to say exactly this. I couldn’t believe the number of people taking selfies at the goddamn Wall of Death in Auschwitz when I was there this summer. You’re smiling and standing where literally thousands of people were executed, you fucking morons.

Came here for this. Did not have to scroll far.

When do we get the 2018 remix with DJT quotes?

I’d have been genuinely disappointed if that crowd hadn’t called out the First Amendment.

+1 Button of Unknown Purpose

The night after seeing Blair Witch, my college girlfriend and I returned to my dark apartment, and turned on a light to find my roommate facing a dark corner. She flipped out.

I thought to myself that it wouldn’t be long before miscarriages become punishable as involuntary manslaughter, but maybe that’s not as hyperbolic as I hoped....

When contacted, the attending veterinarian was too distraught to comment.

“Ha!”
—Craig James

Blowout.