“we found that fully 20% of identifiable ESPN signups came from women.”

If only he had thrown himself to the wolves instead. Then they wouldn't have caught him.

Take them to school, dipshit.

15. Getting hit by a car.

Tom Brady agrees to forget about the whole thing as long as someone, anyone, gives him a high-five.

Though she would clearly like to see Dave in one.

Nicknames for Magary, ranked:

I would like if John Harbaugh lead a nation, its just a pity Joe Flacco would over throw it

Wait, are you talking about Red Foreman or Dr. “Rocket” Romano? Because the latter, bathed in toxic goo, is who I was thinking of.

This still represented a vast improvement over the previous day’s practice, when Manuel’s first pass was intercepted and returned for a touchdown by the Patriots' corporate hospitality tent.

It’s safe to assume this never would’ve happened with a player from Anglo State.

Meanwhile, at the University of Illinois...

By the time I read it he had 7 stars. Does that mean James killed 2 more this morning?

“Damn it, Jenrry!”

“Yeah, I hit like .350 in my little league, want my numOH HOLY SHIT WHERES MY MOM I JUST CRAPPED MY PANTS!”

“I’d like to finally issue a retraction for my comments last week. Football is not as much of a thinking man’s game as I had previously thought. I mean, if a woman can do it, clearly I need to reassess my understanding of the sport.”

At least he has his shaving empire to fall back on!

Alex, I'll take Things I Have To Google for 201