She knows how to drift?

This will also come in handy if she ever participates in The Amazing Race.

Oh dang, I didn’t know that. Jared probably hates him. I still haven’t even heard Jared so whenever I think of him I think of that John Oliver bit where he sounds like Gilbert Godfrey.

But then, the housekeeper really would have to turn them in immediately for fear of getting fired for theft.

This is likely accurate. I believe what we’re seeing from Josh here is a “Matilda” scenario, wherein a family of assholes produces an exceptional citizen, despite their best efforts. Like the Wormwoods.

A few suggested readings on the themes of blood politics/quantum, enrollment, belonging, and appeals to genetic science:

I love watching the look on poor people’s faces when they find money. Aaah, it’s good to be the king.

“But they look white” is the weakest argument I’ve heard against an indigenous person’s heritage. Good lord.

So now it’s tragic for an 89-year-old person to die from old age? Especially a nun, who presumably has a free ticket to Heaven. Unless you mean the tragedy of dying and realizing all of your beliefs were wrong, and you’ve wasted your life.

But your trans friend was cool with Trump shitting on black and brown people when she voted for Trump, so excuse me if I cut her no fucking slack.

Holy fuck, I’m having a day where I have to agree with Kathy Griffin on something.

And every time time she picks up a thing, there’s another. And there’s another. And there’s another. So I did that. I did it all over the room. I put it under the desk. I put it in the bathroom. I put it in the roll of toilet paper. I put it in the shower. I put it underneath the rug. Imagine how happy that person was!

I’ve heard about idiots bringing dogs into punk shows, but I’d never seen it until about a month ago when some crust punk brought his beautiful little doggo into a show and right up to the front where the pit is. I didn’t think the venue would allow it. My boyfriend’s band was supposed to play next he asked the guy to…

She knows that. That’s the joke.

Starring you for the awesome username:)

There is no such word as “restauranteur.” Take away the N and you have a real word: “restaurateur.” Using the non-word “restauranteur” is about as correct as saying “provocationeur” when the word you’re actually looking for is “provocateur.”

I can’t believe you wrote this whole article without mentioning that this event will feature a DRAG BINGO FUNDRAISER.

Stop swimming with wild animals. This is how they were captured.