My brother-in-law burned me a copy of Original Pirate Material in 03 or 04. Man I love that album. But almost every track on there is better than “Has it come to this.”

Forgive me if I missed something obvious, but what is the penalty for exceeding the limit?

The good reason is that James Bond movies are boring and stupid and beneath the dignity of Idris Elba

After a long day at the business factory, that’s all that can really relax me.

I think the “beer” comment wins the “infuriating the know-things” contest.

My business cards are members of the cast of Hamilton who personally send you a DM with my contact information.

This is actually the first and last ever fake news tweet: fake news was banned on twitter because of this tweet.

Why would I buy an iPhone X (I’m saying the word X even though I know it’s supposed to be 10) when I could buy 600 dozen Neon Finger Puppets for the same price?

Not true: Aaron Hernandez was murdered by him.

Make the coin they toss a Bitcoin. That will bring in the investors

Obviously the horn should say “ay-oogah,” in honor of the poem “On My Boat on Lake Cayuga” by William Cole:

Who was that guy who got kicked off the Mavericks a bunch of times for drugs and stuff before getting banned for life? I remember him.

You answer the question in the last two words of the sentence preceding the question.

When I have students in my class, I sometimes play a mix of Jazz music. When I’m in here on my conference period or lunch, I listed to what I want — this week, I’ve been listening to the new They Might be Giants album I Like Fun over and over again, and I like it more each time I listen to it.

He was quoting Shakespeare’s Sonnet 1, line 12, “And, tender churl, makest waste in niggarding”

Have you ever cleaned a shower curtain? This is accurate.

Shouldn’t the Tanuki mascot have gigantic testicles?

I saw Glenn Yarborough.

Hey, maybe his life could be revitalized by the unconditional and undeserved love and devotion of a much younger, much more conventionally attractive woman. That would really do it!

Couldn’t an organ harvester also be a combine harvester that includes a Hammond Organ?