She didn’t see it coming because the Justice Department is working with a Guild Navigator, which blocks reading by pre-cogs

Remember Roy Tarpley? Played for Dallas, had a lot of drug problems? Well, he’s dead apparently. I had to Google “Dallas Mavericks 90s drug problems” to recall his name, and the first result was his obit. Sucks.

I never experienced the level of physical abuse you did, but throughout this article I felt like I was reading about me. I’m so sorry this was your experience: no one deserves this. It sucks and there’s no easy way to deal with it, especially not today.

I keep showing this picture to my kids and explaining that this bear is me. It’s not working.

One thing nobody warned me about:

Second this. My wife brought her own pump for kids two and three after seeing what they charged us for their pump. Sure enough, they tried to charge is for the pump were didn’t use.

As a man, I think it’s important to remind all of you that my masculinity is such a fragile construction that it would be destroyed by the slightest suggestion that my penis does not entitle me to be the literal Master of the Universe.

I thought it was BRATTY (Tea and Yogurt being the extra letters)?

But what about the duck question? I want to know.

I’d still buy if that were 500 cats.

What our you’re literally photogenic, like you actually generate light, like a star? What if you are literally a star?

Outside of a Deadspin ranked list I have never seen such a black hole of wrongness. All of those movies are shit except for My Girl which is perfect and therefore NEEDS NO SEQUEL OR REMAKE.

Based on his plan to blow up heads on the far left, I’m guessing he’s teaming up with Hercules to fight the Hydra

Roosh V?

Spending any amount of time with my mom would be worse.

This is so horrifying. I drive across this bridge almost every day.

Can you guys just change the name of the site to “Fuck All Sports Forever”?

More like “Johnny Pretty Much What You Expect Out of An Athlete These Days”

I’ve never seen “Jack Daniels” spelled “feminits” before.

I’m pretty sure the job of cops in College Station is to keep athletes from facing consequences, not to keep them from going off the rails.