Sharp darts spittin master, spittin darts faster, shut up I’m the driver, you’re the passenger, brain’s superior, pressure builds the dial on your barometer, do you understand or do you need an interpreter?

What about Lem?

I saw with my high school girlfriend in Dallas and put hickies all over her neck. Good times.

Mono Puff. You can’t find their stuff on Spotify. John Linnel’s solo album is there, but no Mono Puff.

Mine was great: you could barely taste the ergot.

Dallas is shit. It’s a Texas city that thinks it’s classy, but also wants to be Dallas like from the TV show. Fuck Dallas.

Fuck protocol. You call the cops. Try to keep him from putting her in the car, but call the fucking cops.

This article is a pack of lies. During my office hours I play Candy Crush and color coloring pages printed on the office printer.

I’m guessing she repeatedly attempted to draw the server into a lengthy debate that the server had no interest in.

Resting Beholder Face here. Every time I try to relax, someone dies from my gaze attack.

What about morose resting face? I’ve had people who comment that I look sad when I’m really just ... resting face, I guess.

So how long will it take the trutherers out there to start shouting “fake!” while waving around glossy 8X10s with the circles and the arrows and the paragraph on the back of each one explaining what each one is about?

This, exactly. He’s like my kids who will race to the door, shout “I win,” and throw a fit when their victory is not celebrated.

It’s French, you dumas. It’s pronounced “ee-DWAH” and it means... um, fried snail or something.

Good luck getting a lane at a Flint bowling alley anytime soon.

Something something Xenu.

Hah hah, I see what you did there. Because only dumb losers watch the golf channel.

Good Lord she is so gorgeous it’s ridiculous. I’d rather have had her in Grace and Frankie than Jane Fonda (who ain’t got a motor in the back of her Honda)

Yeah, like that exactly.

It’s one of those rules of the internet, that there is nothing out there that isn’t a kink for someone.