I’ve been shitting rabbit turds for about a week, but this afternoon I finally had a satisfying Play-Doh snake BM. Wow that was great.

In my view, the primary purpose of Guinness is for the making of Black Velvets and and Tans.

So what you’re saying it’s that if I come in around there, I can score some donuts?

Jason Garrett won’t get fired. They’ll just hire some other sub-coach and take away more of Garrett’s responsibilities.

Also, urine. Can’t forget urine.

I thought it was called that because it’s so reminiscent of dismal gray concrete that reeks of cheep beer, cigarettes, and that orange goo they put on ballpark nachos.

Whoa, deja vu.

“Wow, you sound like a great athlete! Do you have any flaws?”
“Well, I have been known to stretch the truth a time or two.”

“Dude, I only slept with one of the sisters of my crazy ex!” — Henry VIII

I know that there is nothing funny about this. But dammit “was there a left elbow?” is a really funny question.

A blanket fort isn’t hard: you just have to use clothes pins or binder clips.

I’m really curious how the Gawker Media staff keeps coming up with monikers for Trump. I’m guessing a team of interns comes up with them and posts them in a Google Doc, then whenever someone writes an article about him, they cut and paste it into their story.

Recent Audiobooks PhDad Has Listened To:

I’ve been told the Spurs aren’t old and boring anymore. Now I don’t know anything to say about the Spurs.

But don’t you just really want to look like the sexy robot from Metropolis.

Here in Texas it’s still seventies in the afternoon, but noticeably chilly in the mornings. It’s impossible to dress right.

“However, first amendment protection shouldn’t apply to Muslims or people who criticize Scientology, the scam mafia I being to.” -G.v.S

I haven’t listen but I assume they pronounce Carson without postvocalic r, i.e. CAH-sən, which is a reasonable near rhyme with “awesome,” assuming an unrounded vowel in the first syllable.

I ain’t no challa dick girl.