Are pretzel dicks even kosher?

That Namaste shirt sounds freaking hilarious! But what it really needs is the Namaste Guy from Lost.

Try Dover Press. They specialize in cheap reprints of public domain works, both text and image. You’d probably have to supply your own captions.

All it needs is a grotesque caption to be an Edward Gorey cartoon.

I’ve been reading SevenEves by Neal Stephenson and so far it doesn’t seem like “in space” is a good way for anyone to live.

Did you hear the one about the 3-legged dog who walked into a Western saloon and said, “I’m looking for the man that shot my Pa.”

No, you’re obviously capable of reading things on the internet without thinking on your own.

Never been to Kentucky, but I know their jelly tastes fucking terrible in a PB&J sandwich.

I’m an SJW. It’s what I do.

You guys still believe in the Jacksonville Jaguars? Yeah, sure. Call me when you wake up, sheeple.

Cool! I stayed at a hotel in KC this past summer that was right there. It’s hard to picture it being full of people. Or really, having any number of people at all.

I am a[n emotionally stunted and/or sociopathic] 26-year-old man living in Michigan. I have a 17-year-old [and therefore, I assume, highly susceptible to manipulation through implicit or explicit threat of physically and/or emotionally abusive behavior] coworker [around] who[m I have constructed an elaborate sexual…

Their chicken sandwiches are trash and their food is overpriced but their waffle fries are amaze-balls and their playgrounds are great.

Speaking of gimmicky beers, at the Texas State Fair, the local brewery Community was selling Funnel Cake Ale; I think it’s available bottled in local stores as well. It was... interesting. I was expecting something unpleasantly sweet and was surprised that it was fairly well balanced. It didn’t taste at all like…

God I miss peanut butter. My oldest is allergic. We try to convince ourselves that Sun Butter is an acceptable substitute, but we know it’s a lie.

Does a quesadillas count as a sandwich? It’s basically a grilled cheese on a tortilla.

Andrew Dice Clay or Patton Oswalt doing Andrew Dice Clay? Because if it’s the latter I have to think it’s funny or I can’t sit with the cool kids.

Unless the geese have the sword.

Stairs are a totally sane fear. They’re the most lethal thing on this list.

Do you live in Texas, or anywhere else invaded by fire ants, an invasive species literally from hell, probably, when Satan was like, “screw this, these ants have to go”?