I for one welcome our new parrot-butterfly hybrid overlords.

No, these are clearly mallets used to play some sort of weird new-agey chimes.

I’ll take a guess on the names of your previous nerd-themed gay porni

I’ll be in my bunk

No. I love safeties more than any football play. I want to see a game end with a score of 82-80, all safeties. I want that game to be the Superbowl and for that to be in like octuple overtime or something.

Sexy up quark

It sounds like a good plan, but like every other “cut expenses” plan I’ve ever read, it’s written for someone in a very different world from me. Part of the problem is that when you have kids, there are expenses you just cannot cut. Thank God I finally got my daughter off formula, but I see at least another year of…

What are the odds that Star Wars gets completely snubbed, including in effects categories? Let’s put aside any question of quality, as this it’s not a criteria - the academy demonstrated this when they ignored The Lego Movie for best animated, and more other times than we can count. Basically, will they try to make…

Shoegaze? Christ on several crackers, who would allow themselves to be called “Shoegaze”? In my day, our counterculture had real names, like “grunge” and “hard-core”

That’s like my daughter. She doesn’t whine. She insists.

I have three kids, 2, 2.5 & 5. I’m running a fever of 103. My wife won’t bff home for another hour, at which point I need to go to CareNow, which I will have to pay for on the credit card since there is more month than money. I’m desperately behind on my online and in person teaching and I have little hope of catching…

[Smacks forehead]

Betting pool on who logs the most time out minutes. My money is on Jia.

That’s it. I’m bringing out the big guns. The one nuclear option refutation from which no argument can recover:

His job is to be funny. He is not funny. He is not good at his job.

I agree that we need to deal with sex work differently than we do.

Ooh, cynicism! How cutting edge!

I’m going to go on the record here: I was a graduate assistant in the English department at a mid-size Texas university, and I emphatically deny that I was ever asked to procure sex workers for any recruitment activities.

“Never give up: never surrender!”

I will keep a ripped pair of boxers so long as there is enough fabric attached Rio the waistband.