Did some research and found a representation of America’s actual first family:

Counterpoint (via the Mutter Museum):

Because I have two boys, I only know how to wrestle them to do anything,

I feel very strongly about this as well, though I am more extreme: I loathe cantaloupe as well. I do like watermelon, but I consider it a beverage, not a melon. But any amount of melon near fruit will ruin otherwise excellent pineapple and strawberry. I always try to get into buffet lines early so that I can draw my…

This is really enlightening; thank you for this. What stood out to me was your statement about the role of class, and that most of the women the author knew would have been sheltered and monitored. However, it’s worth pointing out that this kind of “protection” can often leave young more vulnerable to abuse and…

Aww crap, can’t believe i did that. There actually is an Allen Frantzen but he’s a prominent medieval scholar, not a crazy hipster novelist.

Right now, Allen Frantzen is frantically scribbling down “and your evil penis, too.” Tomorrow he’ll show it to his publisher and get a $4 million advance for a novel based on that scribble.

This is precisely the reason I don’t speak up much about nipple-freedom. I don’t honestly know if I can fully separate my support of body-positivity from my undeniable love of boob.

They should just go ahead and hire that girl who kicks for my alma mater in Ft. Worth, TX

Wait, are you saying that the team is bad because the players aren’t good? No. Sorry, but it just doesn’t add up.

I’m pretty sure Disconcerting Signals was Rush, not The Wire.

Lies. It was your labia.

So what’s the bounty on the retouched versions if I can get my hands on them?

In a world full of ago much awful shit, it’s a relief to read something this g_ddamn wrong about something so fucking stupid.

I call BS. Joaquin Gonzales’s best years are way behind him.

Thankee-sai

I had no idea the MLB was recruiting the Vatican City so heavily.

Whoa! Hot take: careful you don’t burn yourself!

“Well, it’s a matter of exchange rate: In Australia, you were earning your Australian dollars. Now that you have moved to North America, you’re earning our American Dollars — that is, our Canadian or US Dollars. Completely different” — possible non-dickhead use of phrase “earning our American Dollars”

My three children each have their own antics. They have antics. I like this a lot.