Would I love if there weren’t an industry dictating expensive expectations? Sure. But that’s where my judgment goes; not to individual weddings. Mine was not morally superior for being cheap, nor is someone else’s morally bankrupt for being expensive.

I try to avoid commenting on these, because I worry that I’ll come across as sounding judge-y. And maybe I am, but I am seriously at a loss as to how people justify spending the kind of money they do on a wedding ceremony. I get that it’s a big event in your life, maybe your biggest, but the excess that people are…

The following songs are not just great for running, but also great for temporary relief from my soul-crushing anxiety and depression. Oh, and haters, form a line to the left for your hating.

And like ten Lifetime movies

I think this is a great opportunity to plug the book The Destiny of The Republic, which tells the gripping story of the assassination of president Garfield.

I’m guessing blow.

Have sex with her directly in the vagina!

It’s meant to be read backwards: Sreba, a clear reference to the memory of Sreba Zdtchonnivitsch, the all star Serbian footballer recruited to play long snapper for the 49ers, but died tragically in the Great Flange Factory Fire of ‘55 before he could perform a snap of any length.

You are correct. I love these even though it means saying nice things about the 49ers.

McDonald’s coffee used to be better than “fine.” But I guess they’ve stopped trying so hard.

if Gregory is suffering from depression or some other serious clinical problem, I find it telling that NFL teams are more interested in leaking that information and/or scrubbing him their draft boards (is there an emptier power move than draft board removal?) than they are in setting up some kind of organizational…

If you use your imagination, it tastes almost but not entirely unlike peanut butter.

Not terrible, but enough to be extra cautious.

Just peanuts. I haven’t had other nut butters, but as I don’t like cashews, I’m not sure if butter form would improve them. Regardless, I know that it won’t ever be Jiff Extra Crunchy.

I agree with you, but do we need the shame-shame-shaming?

God I miss peanut butter. My oldest is allergic, and as much as I try to tell myself “Sun Butter is pretty much the same thing,” I know I’m lying to myself.

I don’t know. Sex without sound can be a fun experiment.

In what way?

I’m guessing Ghost in the Shell.