I did all my own stunts in this comment.

In response to the frat with the secret Facebook page with unconscious women, someone I know said, “Well, they should know better than to go upstairs in a frat house.”

Are you making fun of my lithp?

I had the Shiner Helles once, and I really wanted to say, "That was Helles good!" but in all honesty it was just good.

Yeah, but did she post a YouTube video of herself apologizing? While riding a unicycle? And singing the apology to the tune of “I Cover the Waterfront”? While wearing a tutu? I’m not sure where she went to journalismism school if she can’t even do that!

Wait, Kelly Clarkson isn’t country?

That story made my day.

The next to last is “Gawker media comments”

I love chicken fried steak, but I hate cream gravy. Even the best chicken fried steak is pretty dry when it's dry, though, so instead I top it with mashed potatoes (also without gravy)

No question:

Isn't "trap" internet speak for transgender?

This ads weight to my theory that the singer in "Jessie's Girl" is much more interested in Jessie than the girl.

What was Mark doing?

You are paying for the internet access on which you are watching the free porn. Unless you're watching it at a library, and we already know how you people feel about libraries.

Something something prime directive Inertial Dampening Field.

The Ruby Redbird is so good.

I should have said SN! And I was going to put Guinness, but I feared being macrobrewshamed. Now I'm fearing being fear-of-being-shamed-shamed.

1. Shiner Bock

That's how I've always pronounced it. And how the hell do you get the IPA "zh" sound symbol? Whenever I'm typing Middle English I end up having to use "3" for the yogh.

I don't think anyone has ever painted a better portrait of postmodern drudgery and alienation.