Excuse me, but Oklahoma is also still at least as much a national embarrassment as Texas and Florida.

Because it shouldn't have to matter if it's "your" female human who is getting beaten up. Essentially, this kind of rhetoric implies that it's impossible for a man to give a shit about women and girls being abused unless they are imagining that those women and girls are their sisters, wives, daughters, etc.…

Blue spider! Get it off, get it off!

am enormous collection of wigs, or a collection of enormous wigs?

What comes closest to a legitimate fear for me is the thought that Evil Corporate Megabrewer will step in and start saying, "Maple Bacon Porter? What is this, Canadia or something. From now on, you guys are going to be bottling skunky bottles of Bass relabled as 'IPA'"

Today's headline:

Haloti Ngata? What a wonderful trade!

Somebody otter do something about this.

Hey, if you're still doing 5% Friday, you should check out Shiner Ruby Redbird. It's 4.5% or something and is now available year round. If you can get it shipped up to Yankeeland, that is.

I'm pretty sure I had this at my 21st birthday for the same reason. I couldn't tell you what my opinion of it was, since that was a long time ago and I was very, very drunk at the time.

I thought the whole point of an IPA is that the extra hops would keep it from going bad. Or is it just that they kept it to a tolerable level of going bad compared to other beers?

I hope he gets another chance to play fucking terrible football. I mean, Christians need something to feel persecuted about.

[Edit: some butthurt Ducks fans have advised me that Oregon goes by U of O. Whatthefuckever.]

He's so unhip that when you say "Dylan," he thinks you're talking about Dylan Thomas, whoever he is.

Next, take a 100 dollar bill. Put it in an envelope. Now mail it to me.

Okay, you can't make an "offer," but can you make an ""offer""? How about an 'offer'? Or maybe an '"offer"'?

Of course he's good. He has three hands.

Why not? It's already in your apples.

Well, all synthetic chemicals are made from things from the earth, by humans, who are also from the earth. So literally everything is natural. To paraphrase Carl Sagan, if you want to make a natural supplement, you must first create the universe.

I've long gotten past the illusion that my wife will swoon when she sees me actually fold and put away laundry, and I don't expect sex as a reward for desqualloring our living areas. That being said: there is a certain logic to the negative side of this equation, i.e. not doing a fair share of domestic work might make…