As loath as I am to play devil's advocate, the defense will probably be that he's a non-brother or perspective pledge at a party. Not that I consider that likely, but it's plausible.

My children's doctor is a teaching doctor, so when I take the kids in for an appointment, he usually has a student doctor in tow. This also means that I sometimes get an education about a number of unpleasant medical realities. At my daughter's last exam (she's 15 months), after examining her labia (with her two older…

I'm glad to see that clarifying tweet from NoMorePage3. I also love boobs, and there has been some interesting discussion lately about topfreedom lately. But context totally matters, and I'd be pretty embarrassed if my newspaper ran a regular boobs feature like this.

I've just been joining and then leaving various monastic orders under assumed names in order to try these beers.

I think we're missing out on the major story of Scarlett Johansson's GIANT BOYFRIEND.

I'm conflicted: on the one hand, I hate the exclusive, elitist, consumerist culture of Greek life. On the other hand, my wife works for a boutique that sells overpriced sorority shit, so they're money-wasting literally puts food on my table...

Chex Mix, aka, "I hope you don't mind, but I poured a bunch of dry snacks in a bowl and then urinated on them."

Oh, but it's edgy. Lazy is the new edgy. Effort is like so "modernist."

That line sounds to me like he's stringing words together for a grad school seminar where he didn't do the readings.

Yesterday morning I heard Colin Cowherd mouth-defecating about this. I was trying my best to ignore it, but he seemed to be comparing it to some guy who didn't want to use the breast cancer awareness awareness football, but didn't want to say anything about it because of POLITICAL CORRECTNESS.

It's time to fess up: this entire controversy was made up to get NFL buzz among junior-high boys. Because, you know... balls.

I cannot wait for Z for Zachariah

It broke my heart to vote against Corn Nuts, but for party snacking purposes, they don't measure up to good ol' popcorn.

Yes, along with the man, and by Jewish tradition, only if they were caught in the act.

You would want to eat something that came out of that man? You're braver than I thought.

Any amount of rightness on Johnson's side is overwhelmed by his astounding assholery and hypocrisy — his record on slut-shaming is pretty ugly, too.

Does McDonalds still do birthdays? Because that was the bomb when I was a kid. A runner up to the roller rink, of course, and not even in the same universe as the Shan-gri La of Putt-Putt

I know this one weird trick to cut down on the cost of kids birthday parties: DON'T THROW SUCH EXPENSIVE FREAKING BIRTHDAY PARTY. Make the kid a box cake, let him invite the friends, have dogs and burgers and beer for the parents, boom. Done.

I don't think it's fair of him to force his views about isosceles triangles on us. They should really teach both sides of that debate.

I'm pretty sure that would be the end of human civilization. This is not to say I'm opposed to the idea...