When he said, “y’all better chill, y’all better chill,” I thought to myself, “I wish I wasn’t watching this.”

Damn it. This column is what I read every Thursday while I eat lunch. I guess I’ll find something else today.

Who eats dinner at 5pm?

JJ Watt would play twice a week, but only if he could fit it in between WORKING HARDER THAN THE NEXT GUY, getting HJs from Lindsay Vonn, chopping wood shirtless, and eating Papa John’s.

He’s got to be in on the joke, right? I keep thinking that one day we’re going to find out that he was this weird and creepy and awful on purpose, for his own perverse entertainment.

adlkjf

MISSED OPPORTUNITY. The best thing to do with those socks is to re-gift them at the exact same Secret Santa party this year. Problem solved, in most satisfying fashion.

I’m so disappointed in myself for continuing to read this all the way to the end.

That is a heart breaking response.

I’ll ask the same question I asked last week that you jerks ignored: What site has the best memes in ample supply and unparalleled quality?

Please never, ever, ever stop the Tomsula Life Hacks. Never.

I like Tim Kaine, but whenever he breaks into speaking Spanish, unprompted, I believe the nation collectively rolls its eyes and exclaims, “DAD! STOP!”

Where is the best site to get a steady, regular pile of the best memes?

I wanted so badly at the end, when the reporter says, “We have a fundamental disagreement,” for Chip Kelly to say, “I couldn’t care less.”

Joey Jones coached at my high school before he went to South Alabama, and while I didn’t play football, so I never actually interacted with him, he always seemed sleepy to me. I think it’s hard to be sleepy AND a dick at the same time.

I miss Ted. He gave me the creeps in such a satisfying way during primary season.

What site has the best memes on the internet? I want the creme de la creme of the dankest, most cutting edge crap.

Couldn’t all the collective writers and staff of Gawker found some new blog and call it something like Gocker, and just carry on with biz as usual?

This is the best.

Is it just me, or does Ryan Lochte seem like just the worst?