This is what happens to super rich kids who have had their assholes licked their whole lives. No matter your wealth, you should really encourage your kids to get a regular job ASAP. It teaches more than money management. Ivanka and her father have never had to apply for a job. They’ve never had a job interview.…

Calm your tits, Matt. Your state still needs those sweet, sweet Federal dollars to roll your way, you big dum-dum.

I flew UM starting from 7 to 14 twice a year to and from to US and Europe. We once were grounded in Iceland (I think). I got to stay overnight in the airport. It was amazing. There was a special place for all the UM kids. Imagine the most amazing indoor playspace, with enough room for 100s of kids. I was pretty used…

I used to fly UM all the time when I was a kid (transatlantic custodial agreement). If this had happened to me, I’m pretty sure my parents would have remarried only in a common cause of Murder Death Kill for anyone responsible.

no no no no no no no no no no no no

that little green kid is hella dedicated to this race, tho.

Not that age should make a difference, but why must they always be so young? I still think about that kid, too.

It’s so hard to live in a gentrifying city. We’re normal people with normal jobs. We bought the shittiest house with the worst backyard on the nicest street.

No. It was the most brutal thing I have ever witnessed. 5pm on a Wednesday. 30 bullets ringing down the tiny block. Then a dead teenager on my stoop. His face looked liked hamburger meat. Then the screams of his mother and sisters and father and uncles. It was the most horrible moment I think I’ve ever witnessed.

You guys. Today is my kid’s 2nd birthday and we had a full-on block party with a water slide and corn hole and a whole roast pigs (this was all for the block party, not my kid’s birthday). I made full sugar cupcakes and my boy was naked for the whole day. There were about a billion kids. It all climaxed with the ice…

The drug dealer on my old street was named Gary. He rode a bike and lived with his mom. He was well into his thirties. His hobbies were being stupid and yelling at his girlfriend. God, I’m glad we moved.

I grew up in a pretty modest form of Judaism (Chabad). It’s still hard for me to wear a bikini to the pool. Quite frankly, when I saw the lady swimmers wearing large one piece suits that also covered their legs, it gave me pause: perhaps now I, too, can enjoy the beach. You know, sometimes, people are just modest and…

this will never get old...Lesiban Shitass 4eva!

You’re just another lesbian shitass.

Could you eat a donut in front of Lauren Bacall?

I work in a library. You know what’s fun? Watching this with no sound and trying not to laugh.

Okay, how ‘bout this: Kenya, do you think it’s appropriate to have a “family” show the demonstrates that being a “real black man” means that you teach your teenage (pre-teen?) son to ogle grown women on a bench with your father-in-law? (Season 1, Episode 3)

Or, why would Tracee Ellis Ross be okay with depicting a…

oh, for sure! I’m sure she already has

There has yet to be a true Mom Movie because I have yet to hear of a breast-pump slapstick scene. Let me set the scene which really needs to be in a Funny Lady Movie:

My BFF lost her mom to pancreatic cancer about 3 months after giving birth to her second child. As we’re going through her mother’s FOUR walkin closets…

I thought that Historical Imperatives were no longer being taught?