I’m guessing the mole rat will be CGI, as Jimmy Blamhammer decided.

That is a remarkably intelligent five year old. I work in a library with lots of kids all around, and most five year olds have the intellect and conversational skills of a bucket of mildly stupid rocks. If we can turn this kid around on the whole racism thing, he or she will have a bright future ahead of them.

If I had to pick one of them to fuck, I’d definitely go with Chuck Norris. If only to cuddle afterwards and learn once and for all whether it’s true that he doesn’t sleep. He waits.

Like he’ll be able to afford a van. 

If she does blackface, then she and her kid average out to two normal white folks. That’s just science. 

Cheap bastards couldn’t round up to $200K?

That’s what struck me. Who the hell can pull off two authentic looking Nazi costumes - one child sized - at the last minute? A Nazi, is who. 

Came here for I didn’t know what, but it turned out to be this.

Or the bossa nova. 

As a librarian myself, I’m not surprised that you received emails solely focused on the fact that the woman who called the cops was not a librarian. Many librarians get extremely intense about who is and who is not qualified to be called a librarian. I understand the feelings behind the intensity, even if I think it’s…

Doesn’t he have a tiny little fuzzball of a dog? If she doesn’t have a giant wolfhound she needs to get one.

I’m not gonna lie, I would giggle like a little girl if this one sank, too.

If she’s smart she’ll have a Hispanic husband she can trot out when the news crews find her. That’s planning ahead.

“Sacre bleu!”

I’ve been reading all the older stories and creeping myself out, so I know my story can’t really compete. But it’s my story, and it’s true, so I’ll share it.

If dogs are so dumb, how does my Lucy always know which pieces of turkey are for her and which are for my sandwich? You can’t explain that.

I did the same thing by accident many years ago. Important culinary tip - when baking in extended 100 degree weather, put your chocolate chips in the fridge for a few hours before mixing them in. 

I never put the names together before, but it occurs to me that if Laurie Strode had been Woody Strode’s daughter, Michael Myers would’ve been dead inside of ten minutes, and not terrorized people through God knows how many films.

I really don’t understand how this keeps happening. I know that these racist shitheads can’t stop being racist shitheads because that’s hard and because they frankly don’t want to stop. I also know that these racist shitheads can’t stop displaying their racist shitheadedness online, because they want other racist…

I worked with a guy like that. He’d lie about all the women he was boning, even though his wife worked in admin and was the only reason he hadn’t been fired long ago. He actually left for a different job, which made my supervisor very happy. Got fired from that job, supervisor was forced to re-hire him, and he told us…