Now, now, be fair. That wouldn’t be homeopathic whiskey. You’re misrepresenting the practice.

So it’s basically The Thing, except not trapped in Antarctica. Fantastic.

I’m really hoping this turns out to be John Wick 3, with John feeling obligated to attend the wedding because the couple were close to his wife. Once every criminal in the world arrives to kill John, he kills, like, everyone, in the background, while Winona protects herself and his dog in the foreground in a series of…

How much you wanna bet both Tump and Arpaio think this shields him from civil suits?

Right, my understanding is that accepting a pardon means admitting guilt. It’s a literal get out of jail free card, but you’ve still been convicted of the crime.

I’ve always enjoyed reading about female characters as much as males. I don’t think it’s due to any outside influence, but my mom is pretty smart and I might just not have noticed. I did get some shit from other boys for reading Nancy Drew instead of The Hardy Boys, but even in fifth grade I preferred to picture girls…

They’re not JUST tiny doors. They have lives. They have dreams.

I’m gonna be honest with you, in most movies and TV shows I prefer the inaccurate French accent. For dramas and anything I want to take seriously, yes, get it right. For anything else, though, I want my Frenchies to sound like Inspector Clouseau’s less intelligible kin.

So it is your contention that Trump looks better when he takes off his suit?

They look great, but I hope you’ve avoided the dreaded soggy bottom.

I’ve been trying for years to convince my wife we need a pet hippo. Her excuses for refusing range from “We have no large body of water in which to keep it” to “It’s illegal” to “You’re an idiot.” Maybe this video will finally change her mind.

Preston Wiginton? I’m not sure I can even hate the guy. A name like that limits your options in life. If this were the 80s, he could make a career out of being the jackass preppie in a steady stream of movies. In Trump’s America, though? He’s got no choice but to be a piece of shit bigot. Sad.

Not all...

Came here for this. You’re doing God’s work, friend.

I just want a pair of sunglasses from The Blues Brothers, worn by Belushi, Akroyd, Cab Calloway or Ray Charles.

Forget all his other dipshittery, I’ll never understand the “I know the owner!” move. Has it ever worked out, for anyone? Even if I actually knew the owner of an establishment I’d never try to use that relationship to get what I want, because it’s bound to backfire in some way. If nothing else, anyone I’d want to be…

Yeah, and the Senate full of white dudes gets shit done.

Also, the Stooges knew what the hell they were doing. It was controlled chaos, and no one actually got hurt. The same cannot be said for the actions of the Trump administration.

There is a White Tiger in Marvel comics. Several, actually. The first one was Puerto Rican and the others have been Hispanic or black or, apparently, an actual white tiger evolved into the form of an East Indian woman. I love comics.

I don’t normally advocate for modern royalty to have real power, but this seems like a situation that has “Off wif ‘is ‘ead” written all over it. At least divorce his idiotic ass.