They look great, but I hope you’ve avoided the dreaded soggy bottom.

I’ve been trying for years to convince my wife we need a pet hippo. Her excuses for refusing range from “We have no large body of water in which to keep it” to “It’s illegal” to “You’re an idiot.” Maybe this video will finally change her mind.

Preston Wiginton? I’m not sure I can even hate the guy. A name like that limits your options in life. If this were the 80s, he could make a career out of being the jackass preppie in a steady stream of movies. In Trump’s America, though? He’s got no choice but to be a piece of shit bigot. Sad.

Not all...

I just want a pair of sunglasses from The Blues Brothers, worn by Belushi, Akroyd, Cab Calloway or Ray Charles.

Forget all his other dipshittery, I’ll never understand the “I know the owner!” move. Has it ever worked out, for anyone? Even if I actually knew the owner of an establishment I’d never try to use that relationship to get what I want, because it’s bound to backfire in some way. If nothing else, anyone I’d want to be…

Also, the Stooges knew what the hell they were doing. It was controlled chaos, and no one actually got hurt. The same cannot be said for the actions of the Trump administration.

There is a White Tiger in Marvel comics. Several, actually. The first one was Puerto Rican and the others have been Hispanic or black or, apparently, an actual white tiger evolved into the form of an East Indian woman. I love comics.

I don’t normally advocate for modern royalty to have real power, but this seems like a situation that has “Off wif ‘is ‘ead” written all over it. At least divorce his idiotic ass.

Thank you for making sure to leave enough time for Lindsey Buckingham. I always feel bad when he gets cut for time.

My guess is that’s how police departments will fund themselves now that everyone’s getting all pissy about civil forfeiture.

Is it true that a single hit will cause me to go on a tri-state killing spree?

WEST VIRGINIA! MOUNTAIN MAMA! TAKE ME HOME!

Your comment about smelling what’s cooking makes me want The Rock to be her co-judge. That would be amazing.

Honestly, everyone should do this once a week anyway. It refreshes the soul.

I didn’t pay any attention to this mess after seeing a “Michael Phelps will race a shark!” headline, but I assumed they were going to have a divided pool or something. How hard would that be?

Well, the republicans have been praying for another president like Ronald Reagan for thirty years now. Be careful what you wish for, I guess.

So the president of the United States has gone full Costanza, is what I’m hearing.

My grandfather prepared puns in advance and waited for chances to use them. He told me he had one he’d been sitting on for years, waiting for the perfect moment. As far as I know it died with him, which is a shame since he was one of the funniest people I’ve ever known. A bit odd, but funny.

Damn right it’s not the Garden. Does it even have obstructed view seats?