Can we get Karen David as Jasmine?

I damn near died going out to get the mail the other day (temp was only 70 but there was no shade or breeze!) but a deaf, retired dog survived a horrible winter in the mountains.

Why are you trying to distract us with unrelated trivialities? Men are being excluded from a single showing of a comic book movie!

Can I borrow Landslide In My Cooter to use for the name of my new band?

Presumably, they’ll be landing at night.

It’s a sad day when someone fails to recognize American treasure John Stamos. The other guy is clearly the love child of Bradley Cooper and Mario Batali.

I am amazed and frankly impressed that the vote was unanimous.

And other people would think long and hard about continuing to pay the gym if they’d kept the Nazi and kicked the anti-Nazi out. The people who own the gym apparently think people who don’t want to work out with Nazis outnumber those who don’t mind. It’s just a business decision, nothing to get worked up about.

Tip your servers. Try the veal!

We went to see it last night just for something to do, and it wasn’t half bad. I thought it was a pretty decent action flick, though the trademark Guy Ritchie stuff didn’t always work. Still, if you have any interest at all it’s worth seeing if you can get cheap tickets. Unless you haven’t seen Guardians Of The Galaxy…

There is nothing in this life or the next that Dolly doesn’t deserve better than.

Even when playing a member of the Illinois Nazis, a group I hate, Henry Gibson was a thousand times classier than Jeff Sessions.

I freely admit to not understanding any of this, but why doesn’t the guy just play the damn game to the best of his ability? Isn’t this like Tom Brady refusing to play if his balls are properly inflated?

You give me Zombie Jack Palance and I will buy all the tickets.

Just throw dust in my eye, why dont you?

So bias against one on-air personality is worse than against two accountants? I mean, we all know it’s true, but to just say it?

So Richard Simmons is basically Bigfoot?

I’m not a lawyer, but one thing I do know is that when you have irrefutable evidence that your client is innocent, you do not just release that shit and change everyone’s minds. No, you have to sit on it while making vague promises about releasing it at some undetermined future date. That’s just common sense.

My dog almost caught a squirrel when we were out for a walk a few years back. She’d’ve had the bastard if I hadn’t jerked her back on the leash. Ever since she thinks she’s a mighty hunter, but the truth is this was the slowest squirrel I’ve ever seen in my life. I think it might have been suicidal. I probably…

Preach it. I’m hoping they’re smart enough to only let people vote from a pre-selected list of names, or at least add a “We reserve the right to reject any really friggin’ stupid names” clause.