I could see Trump claiming he never really wanted to be president.

I’ve got to admit to some serious confusion. I honest and truly don’t understand how the people running this site don’t think this cupcake is racist given some of the other shit y’all’ve called out. Is there a chart or something I can refer to?

Yes. I’m not a football guy, but I was thinking “why the hell was she the only one to run directly at the guy with the ball?”

“Still endorsing Trump? Paul Ryan, Marco Rubio, Ted Cruz, and John McCain, among many others.”

All it needs is a picture of Trump with his hand shoved into the Statue of Liberty’s crotch.

My only question is, how did her father have the foresight to clone Jessie Graff five years ago? The rest of us only heard of her, what, three years ago?

I would strain something in my haste to donate to a GoFundMe dedicated to making this happen.

A clown once bit my sister...

His lawyer advised him not to talk about it, and he said, “I’d love to tell you what happened and my story ... but I can’t say anything.”

Criminal Obstruction Of Breathing sounds like something that could be folded into assault or attempted murder. It also makes me wonder if that jurisdiction believes it is possible to obstruct breathing in a non-criminal manner.

Am I the only one who thought Hugh Jackman was Bruce Springsteen when I first saw the picture?

Am I the only one thinking that the correct move after picking up the panties would be to turn to the woman and suavely announce, “Y’know, these would look great on my bedroom floor...”?

If I Bend Over I Get My Boobs Stuck To My Stomach is too unwieldy to be the name of my new band, but I think it’ll work as the title of our first album.

“This part of the case was settled in 2013, with a $475,000 payout to employees who had complained about the break policy but without any acknowledgement of wrongdoing”

“This is a good plan. There’s no way this could go wrong. This will work out well for me.”

Are we just allowed to declare that we possess moxie, now? I thought it was one of those qualities that only someone else could assign to you?

And expensive! I swear to god they wanted twenty five bucks for the crap, and that was at least two years ago.

I was thinking baby body snatcher pods, but frankly triffids are even more terrifying. Now I have to go re-read the book. Such a hardship!

How is this jackass still mobile? So the authorities won’t actually charge him with anything, fine. But what’s the point of having private security if you don’t give them a large bonus to break this guy’s arm if he touches you? Accidentally, of course, while lawfully protecting you. If he comes back for seconds, break…