Take a breath, man. Holy shit, that sentence.

Could you hold still, sir? Just trying to measure you for your coffin.

I’m perfectly fine seguing directly into an early fall. People always seem to act their worst during summer, and besides, I burn easily.

Hey, for Milwaukee, a city whose very name sounds like a punchline, it’s a lot.

Like a little pop top on a can of Tab.

This guy must have the smallest dick in the world.

Losers Argue Over Who Sucks More

Imagine finally getting the chance to be something as cool as a raging jet of fire, and then having to spend your very short time in existence setting these nimrods ablaze.

She’s welcome to borrow my giant, unwieldy white guy Jewfro if she likes. I could take a weed wacker to this thing and it would barely make a dent.

But Jordan Peele worked for Disney by appearing in an episode of ‘The Muppets’ and voicing Bunny in Toy Story 4! Shouldn’t William Hughes have approved this article first?

Red Alert Mountain Dew flavored! Jam it down my filthy hole.

SOMETHING SOMETHING GAPING MAW

Hey, be careful, Randall. Dwayne has been employed by Disney in the past. You wouldn’t want to seen as giving shelter to the enemy. William Hughes might throw one of his angry journals at you. All those Rage Against The Machine stickers can really hurt.

EZBoard, huh?

So basically your take is ‘Yeah, I GUESS they publicly backed what he was saying, and I SUPPOSE they gave $5 million to social justice organizations including the NAACP, so I GUESS we’ll just see where this goes. Or maybe they’ll just BUY the NAACP. Because Disney. See what I did there? Aren’t I cute? Aren’t I clever?’

needlessly shitty and snarky

:: cries ::

Did I say it was? Jell-O is a brand name. It’s charming and has shelf appeal, so it doesn’t bother me much. If they’d called it ‘GLTN’, I’d probably be a little more annoyed by it.

Thanks! I think you’re completely clueless and trying way too hard, but I appreciate it. We could use more love in the world.

He’s not my boyfriend.