Holy cow you’re insufferable with this one. Gatorade, Jordan/Nike and countless other brands have showcased a player’s charitable efforts to celebrate a player’s accomplishments on and off the field at the end of their career (Jeter, Manning, etc.). Are we really going to start criticizing brands for making these…

[R. Kelly looks at pitcher and score]

This one got me. My 10-year-old daughter does stuff like that. She’s always creating little crafts and drawings and letters and giving them to me. I mean, they suck because she’s 10, but I love them so much.

Unless he sexually assaulted Jesus, in which case “I need more time with Jesus” is particularly offensive.

Shout out to the ref for bumping the leg as he casually stepped over Nurkic.

I have watched Villanova this year (disclosure: I’m an alum) and it’s been a roller coaster ride. They expected to lose two players to the NBA from last year’s championship team - they lost four. They lost by 27 to Michigan and then to Furman by 8 THE NEXT GAME. They beat FSU by 6, lost to Penn and Kansas, each by 3.…

Villanova can definitely lose this game, they have been stringing along all season, never quite getting over the line of gelling into what they’d like by this time of year. That said, they just went through and won the Big East regular season title and tournament. It’s a down year for the Big East, no doubt, but the…

Steelers: We’re gonna go ahead and light our roster on fire.

You are there to answer some damn questions.

Just listen to Van Halen’s “Panama” on repeat and replace “Panama” with “Ottawa.” It probably won’t help, but it will allow for your descent into madness to happen more quickly, and then you achieve the sweet bliss of nothingness and oblivion, which I think is the city motto for Winnipeg.

Fun fact: “The Touching is, To Me, Off Limits,” was the original title of MC Hammer’s 1990 breakthrough single. 

“Awake, awake, Zion, clothe yourself with strength! Put on your garments of splendor, Jerusalem, the holy city. And maybe, like, an ankle brace or something, ‘cause damn that don’t look good.”

I wish my kids looked at me the way Thomas's does after being out of work for 11 months

Super Bowl XOXO

more like Alan Flaccidy innit

OK I gotta be a slight homer on this one - Tavares getting out after going through those years makes sense on one hand - but for someone who could complain about his supporting cast and front office for so many years, it didn’t make much sense to leave the year he played with his first 40 goal scorer, had the Calder…

If you rearrange the letters in “Jen Rainwater,” you get “holy fuck this is one unstable individual.”

Can’t get fired if you never get paid in the first place.

[extremely Dennis Miller voice] I haven’t seen this much displeasure about a Cardinals’ decision since electing Pius XII, babe. They sent up more white smoke than Alice Cooper’s stage show in ‘78.

I was under the impression that we are how god plays video games.