"something about this story doesn't feel right."

You're perfect* just the way you are, Pen.

Racism is dead people. Just read these comments for proof.

Agreed! They are my favorite internet stranger couple and the more I read about Allen the more I love him. I bet this Grumpy Cat thing was Allen's payback for the time Mark tricked him into watching that gross sex movie.

I'm never sure if I'm #teammark or #teamallen, but I know I love hearing about their adventures.

I adore these special reports. Jezebel needs more Allen!

Mark, can you confirm that this cat is, in fact, alive? Did you see her breathing? Because the way her face is planted in that bed makes me think we may have a "Weekend at Bernie's" situation, here.

I always have a chuckle at people who passive aggressively take to social media to tell others they need to have more class.

It is, of course, all about ethics in dental hygiene.

I imagine that some pro Darren Wilson fans are probably also Garth Brooks fans. This sends a pretty powerful message.

Well shit. Garth Brooks. Who knew?

I've never thought about Garth Brooks, but now I like him too!

Hmm! I think I like Garth Brooks!

Whilst groping your attractive third cousin.

Thank you, Diana. It's refreshing to be presented facts about this story without the editorial tone of "Bill Cosby is a motherf@$!ing rapist let's all go torch his house!"

OK. I'm making a new rule. No one is allowed to have sex in my house during Thanksgiving. Just no. Take your horny asses to a goddamn motel.

Everyone knows you're not really related to the cousins you have the hots for. It's just a fact.

No, you can only like one Deschanel and I picked Emily. I do not watch New Girl.

I promised never to tell.