DON'T FORGET HE TURNED GREEN BECAUSE HULK

It's possible that getting your face punched repeatedly by a large man who outweighs you by 100 pounds

Yep- and let me tell you, it banged me up a lot worse than the razor burn on Darren Wilson's face.

Also, don't forget that he expanded in size, grew four more arms, and caught fire.

So George Stephanopoulos is the interviewer Wilson handpicked to tell his side of things? I will not forget that, ABC.

The harsh reality

'The Gassing of Adolf Hitler'

"Does this mean you're going to stop calling me?"

PAGING HUMAN RESOURCES

I volunteer to hand-stitch it back together if he lets me rip it the rest of the way off of him.

I wish he would ruin me.

"He's going to ruin that sweater stretching it like that!"

My brain actually went straight to how itchy he must be with that scratchy wool right up against his skin!

He is stretching it so that I will fit in it with him.

You know the choices are bad when Adam Levine starts to seem like marriage material.

Nick Nolte should win for 2015. Let's make it happen.

OPEN, MUTHA-FUCKING IDRIS ELBA THREAD!