I never beat Tyson. I feel like I have an equal chance at fighting him in real life.

My life is a taco cleanse.

I thought this too but I guess that's not the case. You did however give me an idea for a future world with huge crime syndicates all being big poligamous marriages that can't testify against each other because they are all married. You get the dedication when the book comes out.

I rushed to the comments to say the same thing. No lime is insane, like a bigger mistake than any his brother made. INSANE!

“Hello, I’m Todd Dominos, the CEO of Dominos Pizza. We’ve heard your criticism loud and clear, and we are not meeting your standards. Six years ago we tried improving the quality of our pizza, but we still didn’t earn back your trust. That is why each delivery person is now a certified bounty hunter. Not only do we…

I'm goofing around, I'm not in the Klan.

Take this hammer and break the glass and my crew of bros will fix feminism. This was always an option.

Lick my balls, I’m a millionaire. Maybe some of my cash will rub off my balls into your pocket. If it doesn’t happen this time keep at it.

Did you ever hear the story about the secret instructions inside the British nuclear subs? Supposedly there is a safe inside the subs that only the captain has access to that are only to be opened in the event of full scale nuclear war. The instructions in the safe are one of two things: launch the nukes and…

As an active member of the KKK I always thought the comic portrayals of Hate Monger and the Serpent Society were laughably offensive. They went so over the top to demonize a whole group of people (now that’s what I call bigotry!)

Ha, I’d been using the phrasing “died like a bitch” for Boba Fett and now Phasma, but people assure me she will be back so hopefully she gets to do something cooler than nagging Finn about not wearing his hat.

Rey had the vision bc she is already pregnant with a force baby. This spoiler brought to you by a universe where Lucas is still in charge of this shit.

Toxins are all the things that make poop brown or solid.

You left off the part where my kickstarter makes a million dollars and I hire the best lawyers and I go free and I'm a folk hero that never has to pay for drinks again.

If only the judge had contacted me instead. I specialize in cases of affluenza at my practice, all it costs to cure is all your family’s money. Such a shame.

They were not included in this survey but their opinions on squad cohesion don't mean shit either. This survey was getting lame hot takes from low IQ soldiers, but support our troops and all that rah rah shit. Your Good American medal for farting a comment of disagreement at me is in the mail.

[insert Your Mom joke here]

You should ask schizophrenics how hospitals should be built.

Sweet stats, dude. Rad how they don't analyze them and shit. Groovy. I'm taking a guess here because your link didn't give any analysis, but the coed groups were probably too busy fucking to shoot straight or run fast.

Pretty sure they don't give a shit either. I don't care.