From an early age, I always felt like I was the type of guy that would end up without some of his fingers. I have yet to make that happen, nor do I want it, but I still suspect this is in my future.

Her bangs are actually level, her eyes are on two different planes.

Fuck the police, Jesus Christ.

Alternatively, and frankly, more realistically, young women need to prepare for the upcoming Heist-Economy. Are you skilled in gymnastics or contortion? Hone those skills so you can cartwheel through a laser trapped corridor or fit into a vase. Good with people? Consider becoming a fence, so you can connect stolen…

Washington is for sure getting jerked off by a Cenobite with a lobster claw instead of a hand.

Too late Josh, Abbie is already fucking Abraham Lincoln, Evel Knievel, and Jesse Owens in a hot tub in heaven already.

I'm kidding about the genetically cyclops thing but I am really wondering if they are biologically father/son.

Refresh my memory, was the secret the Orb gave him “you have a sister” and then the secret Fury gave him un revealed so far?

This is the right type of bananas that keeps me reading comics. A couple observations: Hate Monger was also a character that tried to take the Captain America mantle after Steve Rogers is kills at the end of Civil War. He was mostly concerned with killing immigrants from Mexico. Punisher is also trying to wear the…

It’s not really fair, but you are the first woman your son will know so his future relationships with women will depend a lot on you. I don’t think there is a proven method to turn boys into good men, but a well documented way to fuck him up is to make him ashamed for how he was born, be it gender, gender identity,…

Totally, was going to say the same thing. Screaming when you see a spider or mouse? NBD, thats not a phobia (though I know a lot of people like to wear that badge in casual conversation). Spiders and rodents are poisonous and disease carriers and we are hard wired as humans to have a startled reaction upon seeing them…

I've never read a patenting book, but I have seen a bunch of movies, and I think the trick to raising well adjusted men with good relationships with women is to force them to dress in women's clothes at school and threaten to cut their penises off. Actually, I may be thinking of serial killers.

Their moms said they are very handsome.

I’m not worried about my podcast “Toddler Puncher” because only my mom listens to it.

They'll start finding new tattoos on her gums, the bottoms of her feet, and on her scalp under her hair.

I wish we could have a Sif tv show (or fuck it, three movies) rather than whatever this is.

I like to think its Dobby the House Elf.

I nearly threw my remote in a rage when I heard Rubio say global warming was real but not worth “destroying our economy,” as if every coastal city being under water would be good for the economy. I decided to instead make a vicious tweet, but I sat there staring at my phone not coming up with anything funny until I…

I've been waiting for this since I saw you and Allen make the news the other day. Very well written, and congratulations to you both!

Best one by far.