Bitches, stop it. You are ruining people’s lives. Major athletes are involved here. Jesus fucking Christ, his dad might even own a house in the hamptons. Rape is a thing you sign on for when you are born as a female human. Get the fuck over it. /s but not really.

Why are all our national treasures Canadian(Bee) or British (Oliver) lately?

I hate myself for it, but I was this person for a second or two. I started developing food allergies and had to cut out all sorts of things to determine the culprit. My doctor recommended I go vegan for a while and then slowly start adding back the cheeses and such. When I was full-on vegan for about 3 weeks, I…

+75000220192877543 for the Hermione reference. Would vote for her in a hot minute.

I literally know zero women who give a shit about who pees in the bathroom with them. And I live in maybe the most conservative state imaginable. But all the men are outraged. Your assessment is spot on.

3093. At the earliest.

Chief Justice Stephen Breyer along with Chief Justice John Roberts

Well since you put it that way.

I cannot for the life of me figure out why Beiber and Kanye would even have each other's numbers.

I have a big imagination. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

This is like one of those torture puzzle things where you scrape your knuckles, break 4 fingers, lose 5 pints of blood, and go insane before finding the delicious prize inside.

Notice she didn't say she was finished with the theme. She said Harry was done. She is sneaky. Marauders prequel, anyone?!?!

That’s a good, long cab ride in Manhattan, too. I am not a local, but if I recall correctly from my last unfortunate cab ride, midtown east to Battery Park is $22-ish and that was a long ass ride.

I somehow feel like this is NOT gonna fit into my plan for reading 80 classics books this year. I'm out.

So excited!! But also, if you guys decide to do another live blog on Jezebel, can you not invite the Gawker dudes? They were so horrendously repulsive that I quit the live blog after about 20 minutes. I get enough lady hate from living in the south, and living in America in general. I don’t need it in my safe place.…

TSA straight up stole a jar of peanut butter from me a few years ago in my checked baggage. “Safety hazard”, my ass. I am still pissed about it.

I am good with cream cheese on everything, but the red dye that stains your fingers and teeth, and tastes gross? NOPE.

I knew I liked you.

Omg FLASHBACKS

Before commenting here, I was flipping through the tv channels and stopped on Catching Fire. That prob helped.