BRING IT!

I specifically told you that Zebra Cakes must be number one and they don't even make it into the top 10? YOU ARE EITHER FOR ZEBRA CAKES OR AGAINST ME, PINKHAM! WATCH YOUR BACK! (And sleep with one eye open.)(Actually, both eyes; I am sneaky.)

Like you can honestly say you cannot see the beauty in a fudgy brownie that weighs almost as much as a human adult once it's in your stomach and basically fights back as you eat it.

In all honesty though, Little Debbie is trash compared to:

Nutty bars at 17? Did you suffer some kind of tastebud accident as a child and now your mouth is all messed up and filled with bad opinions?

My my, isn't this exploitable...

Cue influx of people who don't understand how racism and institutional power works in 3, 2, 1....

I had an hour or so to kill once between work and meeting friends and went to the alcohol Starbucks in my neighborhood with a gift card. I had a decent, not-too-expensive glass of red wine and some semi-fancy cheese & bar snacks. It was pretty good. But there are lots of other better options around for that type of…

This is awesome. The fucking brush hairs all over your face. Unreal. Everything about this is great.

Oh yeah, the make up in the hair. And similar hair at that! Every damn day.

"But I spent $40 on it, so I use it to validate the purchase."

YUP.

If you were being honest tho, that David Hasselhof story is way better than your kid being born. Come on.

Dear FAA:

I'm with you. I used to love them, and now I can hardly find one. Of course, when I do Stumble upon the hallowed ground the spongmonkeys sang of, nobody else wants to eat there. The bastards.

I feel like you seriously missed out by not including Go-Gurt. Because who doesn't want to eat unnaturally brightly colored yogurt from a tube! Also the two-tone Trix yogurt.

I always have this at the ready for whenever Michele Bachmann says a thing...

Before anyone panics, I suggest that we all take a second to PubMed.

I love beets, and eat decent amounts of them when I get them. My poop has never turned colors. My pee will get pretty dark red, though. It actually scared me the first time it happened, and I went to the doctor, because I didn't know it could do that. To be fair, I also have the life experience of having saved a…

Interesting fact: All poop starts out a nice, dark green as it begins it's journey through your intestines. Depending on what other cool stuff (like bile) it meets up with as it moves Magic School Bus style through your large and small intestines, it turns yellowy brown to dark brown by the time it comes out.