Glad you finally got to be the center of attention! We know that was a primary reason for your importation.

C’mon. You’re the “driver” of a luxury appliance that was created for those who couldn’t tell a bezel from a bevel (gear).

So, the “enthusiast” designed it for himself?

Well, factory tool kit LID is in excellent nick...

So, you measure beauty and awe-inspiration using some mystical formula that involves paper-cut scoop propagation, eye of newt, wheelbase divided by track multiplied by total height as measured in cubic cubits, and factored with the mental age of a narcissistically-injured asshole con man and his many wannabee Mittys?

Ummmm...AMEN.

I drove SAAB turbo 3-doors and convertibles for about 500,000 miles from 1980 until 2008, when my fourth—a GM-reengineered Turbo convertible—began exhibiting transmission problems at 140K miles. The cars started out fantastic and quirky (wish I still had my Carmine Red 1980 Turbo 3-door with the Formula Hammurabi…

Good chuckle, Doug! Several, in fact!

My Twattroporte has petrified egg foo yung packed around the subwoofer in the passenger’s side front footwell. Car made in Italy, sub made in China?

In six weeks of daily dillying my newish Maser QP GT-S around the SF Bay area, I’ve yet to see another, though we have at least 4 Maser dealers up here.

My first car—a ‘55 Chevy Nomad station wagon—was set up for drag racing. In fact, it held the G/S record at Union Grove before I bought it. My friend Brian drove it home for me. I taught myself how to drive stick in it, 283 solid lifter motor, 4 speed, 4:56 Positraction and all. Most of my 43 cars since then have been…

Didn’t he get his start on Rugrats?

The car has a TPM system. Should have been functional. Should not have been rented if monitors were broken.

Actually, Bruce McCall styled the body...

Fast, bulbous, and boring. How do they do it? Germans have neither passion nor humor.

Mudflaps? MUDFLAPS???

Why would I want to buy a car without any human contact or a chance to view the goods in person? My most recent two car purchases—my used XJ8 VDP and (just last week) my 2008 Quattroporte GTS—would never have found a new home were it not for the good vibes I got in the course of long dealer visits. Both were high-end…

Oh, great. Semi-literate memos from the former king. “Taking a different TACT”... It’s TACK, Shakespeare. It’s a sailing reference.

Doctor. Phil. Is. Neither.