Guys are, like, real violent yo. I’m beginning to think that they need to wear body cameras or something. 

Conservatives: The poors and coloreds are nothing but drunken, violent degenerates.

I shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die.

If West ever put finger to needle and thread in his entire life, I will humbly beg his pardon. Otherwise,

And also.... “What else did Obama do? I want to destroy it.”

I believe the Trump admin begins each day (after several hours of TV and a couple of breakfasts in bed) with Trump asking “Who haven’t we shit on yet?”

“Emma Stone hosted at least three times... so that should count.”

I can wait for his next album when he teams up with Ted Nugent, Kid Rock and Three Doors Down. It’ll be so genius. Yenius? 

I just spoke to a local counselor and got some recommendations for local, affordable options. Thank you to everyone who responded - it’s good to know that there are people like you, and complete strangers at that, to turn to. 

TRIGGER WARNING: I was away from home on business this week, the same week I happened to turn 35. I have been having a difficult time with this birthday for some reason - I was already not looking forward to the long days pacing a trade show floor and filling my evenings with meetings, and my quasi-milestone birth…

No one told him it comes from China and now has a Tariff on it.

Hey, man. Nice shot.

PREEMPTIVELY SAYING THAT BOBBY WILL STILL BE WRITING FEATURES FOR US THANKS (ugh i don’t want u to go my bb)

Lindsey Graham would be much prettier if he smiled more.

So now Kavanaugh knows what it’s like to have a unwanted Dick shoved into his face.

What I wouldn’t give for Feinstein to have said, “You seem to be getting overly emotional, do you require a break?”

LOOK AT ALL THE PRIVILEGE I WAS BORN INTO AND LISTEN TO THE PRIDE IN MY VOICE AS I EMPHATICALLY TELL YOU ABOUT ALL THE PRIVILEGE I WAS BORN INTO. BITSY AND MUFFY, WHO WENT TO HOLY SACRED BLEEDING HEART OF THE BLESSED FLOWERING VIRGIN, WILL TELL YOU I’M A GOOD MAN. NOW I’LL PRETEND THAT PEOPLE ARE SAYING THE VERY ACT…

Who do you have to sacrafice to the arcane elder gods that rule over this hell dimension I have been cursed to endure since January of 2017?!

There’s. NEVER. just. one.

I want to throw up. I am so disgusted by everyone in the Republican party right now.