Of course a woman half my age finds me attractive and wants to sleep with me! 

Alexa, play despacito.

I would need to violate the Planck length in order to create a violin small enough to play for these biological RealDolls.

You are correct; I should have pointed that out. The language she deems vulgar are mere biological processes, which isn’t really “vulgar”. Even with dude parts, it doesn’t really occur to me to clutch my pearls at hearing the word “tampon”.

I take it from Trump’s tweet that he plans to give the thumbs up to Russia taking the rest of Ukraine. 

So it’s the colour of my nipples and vulva that are offensive? I can just doodle on them with a magic marker and head for the beach?  

I think so Brain, but why would anyone want to Pierce Brosnan?

Worth noting: Comey has long been a Republican. Also worth noting: The damage is done and this penance world tour is getting boring.

Remember when being a “flip flopper” cost John Kerry a presidential election?

Ha, ha, see guys? I totally didn’t commit treason on live TV.

No but what is this

FUCKING DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT

He acknowledged it and said it made him feel unwelcome, so it definitely worked.

This is what a truly free country looks like. 

I look forward to Cadet Bone Spurs’ incoherent reaction tweets

I didn’t understand a single thing in this article. 

Wait, what?

Henry Cavill’s last (public) girlfriend was 19yrs old so just keep that in mind while you listen to him complain about the pitfalls of dating in the “me too era”. Sorry you have to check IDs now, Superman.