We will never regret accurately reporting sports news.

A fresh lawsuit from T.J. Maxx, funded by Peter Thiel, should be filed momentarily.

Wait a second. ESPN’s chief College Football reporter has said that this was a major new milestone in accountability and moral standards in the NCAA. And, I mean....you can’t both be right.

Fetty WARP

I’d be careful handing out gold stars to people named Moskovitz if I were you.

Billy Joel used to do something similar to people’s living rooms until he got his license revoked.

Baylor President Ken Starr will also be fired

Crap, my milkshake was out there. I hope the boys are okay.

MitsuBEEshi.

If they wanted to keep Drake out of the arena, maybe they shouldn’t have named the team the Toronto Rapstars, Tom. Because rap is the style of singing Drake is most known for, and he happens to be one of the biggest Rapstars in what young people refer to as, “the game.” It’s not Drake the Rapstar’s fault that you…

Jesus, this is awful. Thank god he never forgot how to ride a bike.

It took longer than it should have to get the right diagnosis, because no one knew what the doctor’s notes meant when he said Mike had “sarceauxma.”

BYSTANDER: Oh shit, it’s a fucking bear-
BYSTANDER: [remembers the enormity of Jay Cutler’s contract]
BYSTANDER: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
BYSTANDER: [remembers that Jay Cutler will retire and then die someday, not soon, but it will happen nevertheless]
BYSTANDER: Oh, he’s okay.

Excuse me Tom, but that’s Deadspin Hall of Fame Barbaro. Please show some respect. And maybe write a poem about him.

I would happily pay $100 to see either Floyd Mayweather or Conor McGregor punch AJ Pierzynski.

On the plus side, the team now knows where to find a quality Fwd: FW: FWD:

The thought of Bartolo Colon: Deadbeat Dad makes me sad, but the thought of Bartolo Colon: Attorney at Law makes me happy.

pretty sure the Umber’s millennial children are in charge now and they thirst for leaders who are more in touch with today’s fast-paced social-media driven society.

The Atlanta Braves have axed Fredi González.

Never forget that rich people are terrible.