Maybe for her next implausible, sneered-at appearance she can go full-on “Fire at Sea Parks” with her reconstruction.

Given that the spokesperson can seemingly believe six impossible things before breakfast, she should land softly after Trump crashes and burns with the Court of the Red Queen.

Neurological surgeon, heal thy own brain dysfunction.

Lambo: C’mon coach we were just kidding around.

They should go meta and make everyone live with Puck like in the reality shows of yore.

A lot of people forget that preceded the actual mauling of Siegfried or Roy (whichever one it was); never should have given her that pipe.

Things would be easier if Louisiana just offered a basic zoological education so that its schoolkids could imagine what a tiger looks like without having to use a real one as a mascot, rather than Bible verse memorization and Intro to Exorcism or whatever the fuck Jindal was using.

Holy shit, when I made wiseracks about the site padding its programming day with soccer highlights from (insert European country) 8th tier leagues, I thought I was engaging in hyperbole.

I think what closes this out is not more stories but a sense of inevitability which depresses his turnout. Obama vs. Romney was at 60/40 at this time in 2012, ended up 91% on election day with Obama winning by 3% of the popular vote. By contrast, Clinton is at 85/15 and 6% up with most everything trending against her…

Hopefully Chip had “My Heart Will Go On” playing in the background with a few deck chairs as props to illustrate his point.

I’m going even further; I’ve seen the 7-8 states he needs that he currently doesn’t have, the trends of the last week, and the disparate ground games (with many voter ID laws overturned) and I see a blowout with a few surprise states going for Clinton that didn’t even go for Obama.

Response ad: Is Donald Trump incontinent?

“Bernie Sanders Would Have Led Us to a Burning-Free Journalistic Utopia” — February 2017

First of all, he’s trending at about a 10% chance of winning. The marginal further diminution of Trump relative to the destruction one could do to their own reps makes this a no-go.

I’d settle for journalists not prizing the horse-race above all (with policy being a distant 598th place consideration) then panicking when their ‘both sides’ horseshit keeps one candidate unnaturally viable for a little bit too long.

Since The Simpsons are now on the brain...

Probably implicit is “guest star voicing a one-off character,” I think they had a guest star in mind for Frank Grimes, but went with Hank Azaria instead. I think Steve Buscemi or Wiliam H. Macy doing an alternate take could have worked.

Finally, after four centuries of slavery, oppression, economic inequality, rapaciousness, genocide and contributing to ecological collapse, our country is about to right and redeem itself.

“It’s Hammer!”

He wanted the Cowboys originally, but had to settle for the Broncos (who would be two-time champs within a few years)