I lost 30 lbs in the last several months. I did it through eating less, eating better, and exercise. I still have enough body fat that I don’t display a six pack, but I’m content with where I’m at.

Usually I’d make a joke about how many albums T. I. could milk out of this but, naw, not today. I hope T. I. and Tiny sue the ever loving shit out of everyone from the owners of the gated community, the PD and that tramp ass security guard.

That guard will be done.

+ 1 Bender point (redeemable for a full Saturday in the Shermer High library.)

“Horton, Here’s a Poo!”

I’ve been to at least 3 destination weddings I can think of that had at least 75 guests.

Uh, you know that’s the line from Airplane, right?

Don’t recline your seat, you monster.

I’m sorry, but anyone who makes more than solidly-middle-class me, while paying less taxes, is by default a bad guy.

Concern over my family embarrassing me is the only reason I never married into royalty.

Go to a contemporary Christian concert.

I think this one goes squarely on the list of things that will never happen, for better or worse.

Don’t sing every word of every song directly into the ear of the person standing next to you. She came to hear the performer, not you. If you want to sing along on the chorus like everyone else, fine.

Wow, I think you just introduced me to something I didn’t even know I needed in my life...

Kim and Mono seems to make sense together

He was about to become a lava lamp, albeit briefly.

The game of Lava, Mustang, Crowds is a lot like Rock, Paper, Scissors.

If I could write a shrug, I would. Melania is getting exactly what she deserves.

I like that a stroll down the hall is what stops Trump. That or stairs is his Kryptonite.