I might need more seashells if that’s the only food available to me.

I was debating making a joke about whether or not Trump’s home is lit by gas, but I thought that was too much of a stretch. You can have the awkward joke award instead.

About five months after the Three Seashells Act is signed into law.

Objects in the Trump home? Like Melania? (meaning that he objectifies her, not that she is actually an object, and this might have been funnier without this extended explanation, but probably not).

Oh HELL no. Good for you standing up to him, the jerk. Along the same vein I was downstairs the other day getting coffee and a guy who works in my building was standing next to me and noticed the safety pin on my shirt. Our only interaction up to that point had been nods in the lobby, etc. He smirked and said, “Oh…

My boss said I now “take up too much space” last week (I’m 37 weeks pregnant) and I just stared at him. He responded with “Is that offensive?” I responded with “Yes, very. You can’t say that to me.” He responded with “Oh, I didn’t know”. Of fucking COURSE he knew. He just wanted to see how far he could take it. …

But when push comes to shove, no is always there for you. It is not foolproof—as, sadly, any sexual assault or rape survivor can attest—but when dealing with a boss whose goal is not to forcibly overtake you but instead to see how far he can push you, it may offer you an escape hatch.

1. Sure, honey.

This is a fucked up comment. There’s no reason to say this.

My guess was Antartica.

What Joy-Anna and Austin are doing is referred to as “intentional time.”

*Exasperated sigh.* Personal responsibility doesn’t apply to her, just to the poors. She does have a line of very affordable bootstraps for them to buy though.

I don’t how to feel about it. One minute I’m laughing so hard I pee, and the next I’m so terrified I...pee.

No, which is like, reason 1,244,944 why this is so infuriating. Couldn’t we have at least got a smart, not-tacky fascist family to take over our country?

Not a bit. They are like the Palins had inherited millions of dollars.

Does this fucked up family have a single ounce of class or style between them?

Besides the taste and texture, what’s so bad about bananas?

As a starving artist, I really hope you’re wrong. I mean, I’m not totally starving. I can eat, pay bills, and buy my supplies from what I make selling my work and taking commissions, but there’s this really depressing thing that no one in art school ever told me: artists can never afford to buy their own work. By that…

Someone I follow on Twitter said “at least punk music will be good again”. Excuse me but I’d much rather have my civil rights instead of another Green Day protest album.

Oh I don’t know. White sheet sales should be through the roof in the next few years.