1) She probably has $20m in her couch cushions.

The Red Hot Chili Peppers are playing this year at Austin City Limits. I get blind tickets every year, so when the line up was announced with them headlining Saturday, I wondered if I’d stumbled into a fold in the space/time continuum and was back in college. Sadly, my college body did not magically appear.

So the correct screw didn’t fall out. The world is, indeed, an imperfect place. Next thing you know, Ally Sheedy isn’t carrying around extra knickers in her giant purse in case of impromptu trip to Afghanistan.

You’re not special and nobody owes you shit.

Unless they dance/clog on top of the dinner table, it’s not worth $5.

Also on Team No. Screw this kid.

Seriously. He looks like he smells like rotting corpse and egg farts.

My favourite response is always, “Cheer up!”

Thank you. It was his last act of taking control of his life and ending the pain that was making it unlivable.

Nope. I’ll take a big ole box of AA batteries and being alone any day of the week, over being in a relationship with a supporter of Little Lord FontlerOrange.

Maybe they can require IQ tests for voting next? Pretty sure that lots of those people who voted for Trump....

Thank you. I live in Houston and I think she’s a completely overrated shell. She can sing, but I don’t get all this “queen” shit. She’s so damn tacky.

I’m pretty sure “thinking” was not included in the Wife 3.0 package.

Ditto. I’d like to have at least ONE DAY wherein Little Lord FontlerOrange doesn’t completely embarrass and demean the country with his ...everything.

I can’t claim it. I’m nearly positive I’ve read it somewhere else (probably twitter). I’m clever but I’m not “saffron shitgibbon” clever.

Ray J peed on her in their tape. watersports = urine play during sex

I would hope that Rob’s revenge porn thing would completely void the NDA, but I have a hard time believing in justice since the Saffron Shitgibbon.

That’s rather tame for them. Kris shopped, marketed, and sold Kim’s sex tape. And when she finally sold it, she made them edit out the watersports.

I could also see some German Shorthair Pointer in her face, perhaps. Maybe because I want to. I grew up with two. They’re the most wonderful effing dogs!